getting over...

why is it so difficult to get over the lost of someone very important.. it's as if a part of myself was lost when that person left. i know there are numerous books and articles specifically detailing steps to do to get over losing someone. but why is it still so difficult? there are times when I thought I'm ok. there are times when I am thankful that the relationship has ended. there are times when I thought the pain is much easier to bear now because I had been in this situation before. but why does the pain still come back? why do i still miss him? why can't i forget the memories? why can't i stop wishing things go back the way they were before?

they say that the pain from losing someone doesn't really go away... you just feel numb with the pain that it becomes part of your daily life...
aaaawww... life sucks!

wasted...

just last week, the only thing in my mind was to party, be wild, get drunk and be wasted so i can forget what happened during the last few weeks. i got my wish. ha! little did i know that it was not the answer to my problem. little did i know that it would only make me feel more miserable (and shameful!) afterwards. little did i know that it would only make things worse. but i still am lucky to be surrounded by real friends who wouldn't leave me and carry me home after that embarassing moment of "wastedness". after my mind went blank for 3 to 5 seconds. it seemed such a short time but the after effects were not. i slept for 12 hours after that. something i havent done for a very long time. but then i also lost precious time to be with my family, clean my room and do my other responsibilities at home. aside from not being able to finish the work i took home and not being able to study for my subjects (which i need to do terribly).

i guess i've already graduated from the partying, from the non-stop smoking, from the flirting with nice-looking men (im sure most of them were gays), from drinking 5 to 8 kinds of drink in one nyt and from staying so late (or rather early the following morning). am i too old for such? or i have a different preference now of what's fun and what's not? whatever it is, i'm done. and for my three friends who were there during that incident, pls remind me next time to stay away from such conditions...

we move on...

this blog is influenced by a friend whom i missed so much...

wheew.. how old am i? 26? and yet the last 5yrs of my life (post-college) had been a rollercoaster and made me feel like a 40-yr old already. back in college, i thought things couldnt be more complicated. it was fun and yet difficult then but definitely nowhere compared with the experiences i had since 2002.

thanx to the people who have made me laugh, cry, mad and everything else in between. i know life can only get a little more complicated. done were those carefree days when I complain about how insufficient our allowances were. done were those days when I cry because my crush (whom I thought was the most important person on earth) didn't notice me. gone were the days when I curse my teachers for giving me grades which in my opinion I do not deserve.

this time things are for real. we experience joys and sorrows. we love and get betrayed. we meet new people to fill the gaps left by those who left. we move on..