my last blog was june 16. it has been a month and i thought things might have changed by now. after that fatefule (but expected) day, i though i will be wiser. well i think i did somehow. i didn't dare to text him or call him. after cancelling the dinner, "ei, can we resked? i still have errands to do." duh?!
i told myself for a hundred time that he is so not worth it. but damn i still love the guy... okay, okay. call me whatever you want. trust me, i heard that so many times from who else but me. i kept telling myself how stupid i am for loving him still. but what can i do?!
i know that he has some issues. im not saying this to defend him. what he did was unforgiveable. but im doing this for myself. because i hate hating. gets?! the emotional baggage i carry when i hate a person is more than i deserve. it hurts me more to fell anger expecially for a person who's dear to me.
so i decided not to hate him and everybody else who have hurt me. my prayers right now is that for him to realize (i dont know how, but God works in mysterious ways) that he has hurt me. i do hope that one day he could apologize and we could talk about what happened. like i said, im not mad at him anymore. it just saddens me a lot that things turned this way.
right now, i have to admit that i still love him and if only I am Bruce Almighty for one day, i would change his mind and make him come back.
sorry, but that's just how i feel.
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