let me start my blog by saying sorry to my friends... i know na pagagalitan nyo na nman ako for being stupid, hopelessly crazy and committing the same mistake over and over again. you know me naman and i dont easily give up on love. corny man pakinggan but it's the truth. i don't easily get over my most recent past. why? i wish i knew.
i wrote to emile yesterday, professing my love and devotion to him after all these months. eeew... i know it sounds corny and irritating but what can i do? i love the guy. unfortunately!
but i'm thankful it happened. it felt good knowing that i have already gotten that out of my chest. now, i have nothing to hide. i really don't care what he would do about it. i just felt so relieved that i've finally done it and told him how i feeel. if ever i won't see him again, then it's ok. this may really be the end for us but it's ok since i know god has somebody else in store for me. i feel better knowing that i had been honest and brave. im glad i did it. =)
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
why?
i don't think this page is enough for me to put in all the why's in my life... but i will try.
this past weekend, i had been strongly thinking of texting emile and asking him to go out and talk. i don't know what happened. i just feel strongly drawn to the thought of talking to him. i wanted to talk to him and ask him about what happened. of course i won't beg him to come back even if i wanted him to come back. it's just not right forcing a person to do something he doesn't wanna do and painfully as it was, i have already accepted the fact that he doesn't want to come back. but i still believe that i have the right to at least know what happened. no matter how painful it was. even if he tells me that he wasn't really feeling anything real from the beginning, i can accept that. i have prepared myself for the worse. but all i wanted is to know the truth once and for all. i can only think of a million reasons but none of these may be true or whatever the truth is, i just wanted to hear it from him.
but last night, just when i saved a draft text message in my phone asking him if we can talk, he showed up in school. and he didn't even bother saying hi. damn! he said hi to a friend i was talking to. double damn! what is he trying to do? shove to my face that he's ok. i cannot understand him. i know he's an asshole but please explain to me why he's doing such? why? why?
this past weekend, i had been strongly thinking of texting emile and asking him to go out and talk. i don't know what happened. i just feel strongly drawn to the thought of talking to him. i wanted to talk to him and ask him about what happened. of course i won't beg him to come back even if i wanted him to come back. it's just not right forcing a person to do something he doesn't wanna do and painfully as it was, i have already accepted the fact that he doesn't want to come back. but i still believe that i have the right to at least know what happened. no matter how painful it was. even if he tells me that he wasn't really feeling anything real from the beginning, i can accept that. i have prepared myself for the worse. but all i wanted is to know the truth once and for all. i can only think of a million reasons but none of these may be true or whatever the truth is, i just wanted to hear it from him.
but last night, just when i saved a draft text message in my phone asking him if we can talk, he showed up in school. and he didn't even bother saying hi. damn! he said hi to a friend i was talking to. double damn! what is he trying to do? shove to my face that he's ok. i cannot understand him. i know he's an asshole but please explain to me why he's doing such? why? why?
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
i believe...
inspired by izzi of grey's anatomy.
i would like to believe. yes and it's a choice. it's a choice between giving in to the things in front of me and with what i want to believe inside me. yes you may question that the real thing is what i see but i choose not the facts but the things that would make me feel good. the things that will help me survive this. you might say that i am fooling myself. probably. and so? is that wrong? is choosing what i want to be real, wrong, if it will help me keep myself from breaking into pieces?
i believe that inspite of all the pain, all the heartaches, all the challenges that blocks our way, it will be fine. we will be fine. we will survive and i believe we will.
i would like to believe. yes and it's a choice. it's a choice between giving in to the things in front of me and with what i want to believe inside me. yes you may question that the real thing is what i see but i choose not the facts but the things that would make me feel good. the things that will help me survive this. you might say that i am fooling myself. probably. and so? is that wrong? is choosing what i want to be real, wrong, if it will help me keep myself from breaking into pieces?
i believe that inspite of all the pain, all the heartaches, all the challenges that blocks our way, it will be fine. we will be fine. we will survive and i believe we will.
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