why?

i don't think this page is enough for me to put in all the why's in my life... but i will try.

this past weekend, i had been strongly thinking of texting emile and asking him to go out and talk. i don't know what happened. i just feel strongly drawn to the thought of talking to him. i wanted to talk to him and ask him about what happened. of course i won't beg him to come back even if i wanted him to come back. it's just not right forcing a person to do something he doesn't wanna do and painfully as it was, i have already accepted the fact that he doesn't want to come back. but i still believe that i have the right to at least know what happened. no matter how painful it was. even if he tells me that he wasn't really feeling anything real from the beginning, i can accept that. i have prepared myself for the worse. but all i wanted is to know the truth once and for all. i can only think of a million reasons but none of these may be true or whatever the truth is, i just wanted to hear it from him.

but last night, just when i saved a draft text message in my phone asking him if we can talk, he showed up in school. and he didn't even bother saying hi. damn! he said hi to a friend i was talking to. double damn! what is he trying to do? shove to my face that he's ok. i cannot understand him. i know he's an asshole but please explain to me why he's doing such? why? why?