stress...

it's been a while since i last posted and i miss blogging. even if i'm the only person here, i feel like this is my online journal. a world of my own.

i should have used STRESS as the title for this blog. i can't emphasize the word enough to define how stressed i am from everything that has been happening in my life. as in EVERYTHING. i wanted to scream on top of my lungs. i wanted to cry until i have no more tears to cry. but i can't do any of that. how i wish i could make myself cry but no hard i try, it is still too difficult for me to cry.

i love a person who doesn't love me back, who wouldn't speak to me and wouldn't allow me to love him. i wanted so much to be with this person but he wouldn't let me.

i am in a job torn by being thankful that im in my dream employer but in a job which stresses the hell out of me.

i am in a fmaily with too many problems and too few solutions. may my helplessness never turn to hoplessness any time soon.

i am studying for a masters degree which i'm not sure how it would contribute to the betterment of my current state. i am tiring myself for something i already lost interest to.

i am seeing my friends, successful and happy. as much as i am happy for them, cant help but ask myself why can't i have what they have?

but no... i will not let these stressors put me down. they will not stop from living my life the way i want. i love my God and He has never forsaken me. He never let go of my hand. He's always there to pull me up just when i'm letting myself sink to the bottom of my depressions. my God has provided me more than enough to be thankful and enjoy life.

my God will not leave me and neither do I. so to all my stressors, my faith will knock all of you out.

excerpts from: by the river piedra i sat down and wept

By the river Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river-leaves, insects, the feathers of birds-is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget. By the river Piedra I sat down and wept. The winter air chills the tears on my cheeks, and my tears fall into the cold waters that course past me. Somewhere, this river joins another, then another, until far from my heart and sight all of them merge with the sea. May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for him. May my tears run just as far, that I might forget the River Piedra, the monastery, the church in the Pyrenees, the mists, and the paths we walked together. I shall forget the roads, the mountains, and the fields of my dreamsthe dreams that will never come true.

Feast One Hundred and Forty Two

Appetizer
Name something you would not want to own.
Anger

Soup
Describe your hair (texture, color, length, etc.).
Wavy black hair, a little below the shoulders.

Salad
Finish this sentence: I’ll never forget ___________.
the face of my baby.

Main Course
Which famous person would you like to be for one day? Why?
oprah. because her words possess so much power that if i could have it even for one day, i could help a lot of people.

Dessert
Write one sentence about yourself that includes one thing that is true and another thing that is not.
I love too much. (half of it is true and the other half is not. because as much as I love with all my heart, I couldn't show it enough)

excerpts from: by the river piedra i sat and wept...

But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness.